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My Son From My First Marriage Has Contacted Me, but I Don’t Want to See Him


A father and son narrate a story of love, struggle, and redemption, filled with difficult decisions and unexpected outcomes. Through emotional ups and downs and a yearning for forgiveness, both confront the pain of the past while seeking a path to reconciliation.

«I (45-year-old male) met my ex-wife when we were youngsters. We married at 21 and had a son at 22. After our son was born, we gradually drifted apart.

When our son was 11 or 12, I decided to end our marriage. I’m not sure why, but my wife was surprised. We hadn’t been intimate in about four years, nor had we had any deep conversations. It was recently completed.»

«It took me about a week to move out, and my ex kept crying and begged me to stay. But I stayed firm. My son was upset with me and refused to speak to me. I understand why. He thought I was injuring his mother.

When I finally moved out, he refused to see me.


I tried hard and visited him every day, but he always said he hated me and ran to his room. He was devastated. The divorce was finalized within a year. Custody was 50/50. We took our child to treatment, but it did not help. He disliked me.

I never wanted to force him to come to my house. I could have, but I didn’t want him to resent me any longer. I still wanted to be there for him, so I attended his games and sent him birthday and Christmas gifts, but he ignored me completely. His final statement was that he no longer wanted me to attend any of his events. I visited my ex’s house a few times, but he always said he didn’t want to see me.


«At this moment, I was cut off. I found myself on a long, dark journey of melancholy and grief.

It appeared like my son had died. The lowest point of my life. But one day I woke up and it was all over. I recovered and have moved on since. I met my wife, and together we had two amazing children. Life was great again.

Approximately a year ago, I received an email from my son. He apologized for everything and stated that he had recently had a son. That led him to reflect, and he realized how harsh he had been toward his father. He wanted to reconnect and be a part of my life again. There was a lot more in the email, but I don’t want to share it due to privacy concerns.

I felt nothing as I read this email. I did not reply. Since then, he has sent around 15 emails outlining what is going on in his life and with his son. I never responded, but I felt I owed him some closure. I still have not submitted it.»

It goes like this:

«Dear Son, I would appreciate it if you could quit emailing me. I went through hell and back to get to this place in my life. I have a family again, and I am quite happy right now. I understand that you have regrets and feel guilty about the past, but I do not resent you and forgive you.

Bringing you back into my life will cause issues that I am unwilling to confront for my own and my family’s sake. Simply put, I cannot provide you with what you are looking for. I do not want any additional contact. I hope you understand, and I wish you the very best in your life.


«I haven’t mailed it yet, but I did tell my wife what’s going on. She read all of the emails and my draft and was horrified. She asked me not to mail it and to be open to him. We argued, and she suggested that I go back to treatment.

She even informed my parents, which made my mother quite angry. She started scolding me like I was a child again. I’m not sure why she doesn’t understand. She was with me the entire time and witnessed all I went through. Finally, she threatened that if I did this to him, she would do the same to me. «I was speechless. »